Spiritual Satirist Gifts

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

"There can be no peace until they renounce their Rabbit God and accept our Duck God."

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

Put it in writing!

'This takes the guesswork out of choosing the site for our new headquarters.'

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"I've decided to pursue a profession where religion doesn't play such an important role."

Confessional under new management.

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

Guru sells mountaintop franchises.

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

Thankyou for choosing our automated service - for venial sins, press one...'

"The secret of life? Next mountain. This is the secret of perfect pie crust."

'Never mind the blessing - where are our Easter eggs?'

"You're saying that because of the merger I have to admit both of you?"

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

Came by to save your soul, but you weren't home. Have fun in hell - Bridget, born-again Christian.

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

'Some people are calling you a false prophet.'

"It's only a game."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

Valentine for Guru.

'How will they know how enlightened you are, if you don't advertise?'

"Good sermon, Reverend, but all that God stuff was pretty far-fetched."

"God doesn't discriminate...so we have to do it for him."

"Straighten up that tonsure."

Vicar Selling After Life Insurance

"We want our haloes back!"

'Those aren't very INCLUSIVE!'

"We are both 'godless'. I'm just the one who knows it."

"I wish that they would give omg a break. JMJ (Jesus,Mary and Joseph) have a lot more free time."

'Room service!'