Spiritual Satirist Gifts

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

"There can be no peace until they renounce their Rabbit God and accept our Duck God."

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

Put it in writing!

'This takes the guesswork out of choosing the site for our new headquarters.'

Regular Confession and Express Booth.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

Guru sells mountaintop franchises.

Confessional under new management.

"The secret of life? Next mountain. This is the secret of perfect pie crust."

Thankyou for choosing our automated service - for venial sins, press one...'

Cow eats the hay from the manger of baby Jesus.

"I've decided to pursue a profession where religion doesn't play such an important role."

Monk at prayer, "and take care, if anything happens to you we're sunk!"

"It's only a game."

'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

"Say AHHH...MEN."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Some people are calling you a false prophet.'

Moses waters his daisies...

"You're saying that because of the merger I have to admit both of you?"

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

'Never mind the blessing - where are our Easter eggs?'

Came by to save your soul, but you weren't home. Have fun in hell - Bridget, born-again Christian.

In case of emergency, break silence.

"You do know it's going to take some time to get these through legal."

'Room service!'

'In my years of meditation, I've concluded that being a prophet without profit is not the path to nirvana.'

'Do we use CC or BCC to answer the prayer requests?'

BEWARE OF THE GOD.

"Good sermon, Reverend, but all that God stuff was pretty far-fetched."