Secular Satirist Gifts

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Priest's 'To do' list.

Ghostwriting the Bible

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Bishops Snooker

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside