Sacred Satirist Gifts

Quality Assurance

'See you next week Lazarus.'

"I was comped."

'A ten commandments franchise.'

'Father, I think the Lord has forsaken me, all I get is his voicemail.'

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

Monk using a crucifix for a hammer.

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"...why a Trinity? It gets a bigger laugh that way."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Even More Disciples'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'