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'See you next week Lazarus.'

"I was comped."

'A ten commandments franchise.'

'Father, I think the Lord has forsaken me, all I get is his voicemail.'

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

Monk using a crucifix for a hammer.

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"...why a Trinity? It gets a bigger laugh that way."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

Bishops Snooker

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Free ticket to heaven... details inside