Religious Satirist Pillows

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

The Encyclopedia of Job

Adam and Eve Food Truck

"Then, each month, you'll receive a new set of commandments. Cancel anytime and keep the first set, absolutely free."

Vicarage - Beware of the Dogma.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'The puritans enjoy a real good laugh'

"...And the person who put the Euro coin in the collection plate last week,may you burn in hell."

'I've decided to give up Lent.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

How's my sermon. . .

Preaching to the inverted.

Curate tells two miners that he hopes to see them on Sunday. They reply that he is welcome to come fighting with them if he likes.

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'A Chastity Ring? - How does that work then?'

'Holy Father, a request from Mr. Berusconi. Can the Vatican lend Italy a few billion Euros?'

After a rare sighting, a string of phrases is born,

"Moses carried forty pound tablets down the mountain with no back brace? Where was OSHA?"

"Naturally when you told me you had a couple of tablets to help us through life...I thought..."

'Your car will be ready in a minute...the mechanic is saying the last rites now.'

'No, I'm not going to go back to ask for a little more wiggle room.'

'HE was right you know.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

'Pirated commandments? Already?'

Religious Dad, "And the child that is born on the Sabbath day is bonny and blithe and thoroughly heterosexual."

'No, they're NOT meant ironically!'

"Care to sign a petition to have a 'balanced budget' as the eleventh commandment?"

"For Lent you should give up the other parts of your religion."

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"I'm leaving you and the kids to join the Promise Keepers."

"Village church. Monday: Apocalypse. No bingo."