Religious Satirists Pillows

"Hey, what do you know - a lefty."

Church Fete: Guess the sexual orientation of the vicar and win a jar of piccalilli.

For those who think Christmas midnight mass is at 10pm. . . Father has left shovels for you to clear the snow from the parking lot for those of us who will be attending the midnight mass beginning at MIDNIGHT!

"Here he is, folks, straight from his deathbed in Jersey City, a beautiful guy—let's hear a nice round of applause for . . ."

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

"This is intentional. I'm sacrificing myself to myself to save humanity from myself."

"My god is the one true god!"

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."

Sermon: '...and on the eighth day he created creationists.'

'You were in the mafia? Sorry, admission denied - on orders of the Pope.'

'I'm a victim of identity theft.'

'Referring to God as 'she' seems to offend all the right people.' (religious people discussing religion)

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

'Well, okay, but these won't be easy to market.'

'Damn! That's 758 slices and still no image of the Blessed Virgin.'

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

Life preserver

'I really don't know if I should. Jesus doesn't like money changers.'

"So I'll have to believe it so see it?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Priest's 'To do' list.

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Freshly ground pepper?"