Sacrificial Satirist Gifts

'He did it for us.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Bishops Snooker

"I give up. Where's the patient?'