Sacrament Satirist Gifts

Eucharist

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"...and in conclusion..."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Bishops Snooker

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Even More Disciples'

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"