Sacrament Satirist Gifts

Eucharist

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Bishops Snooker

"...and in conclusion..."

'Even More Disciples'

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."