Religious Ceremony Satirists Gifts

"D'you have sparkling?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Bishops Snooker

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

'I'll decide what I forbid, okay?'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

Eucharist

"'Host' and Cheese?"