Religion Satire Gifts

'The return of the Jehovah's Witnesses'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

Gates of heaven

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'All the tellers are nuns.'

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate