Religion Satire Gifts

'The return of the Jehovah's Witnesses'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

Bishops Snooker

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Gates of heaven

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'All the tellers are nuns.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"'Host' and Cheese?"