Religion Satirist Gifts

'No! There isn't an option to unsubscribe!'

Palin and her curing church.

'Give me a break, Harold--You haven't been fasting THAT long.'

'Jehovah's Witness protection program'

"With our new look hopefully people won't be so quick to slam the door in our faces."

'No, you don't get to pick one from each column!'

"Is there a section at the bottom for comments?"

'What - it's just in black and white? No pictures? Man, that's boooring!'

REINCARNATION DESK, 'There's a pretty long waiting list for Episcopalians, but I can get you into a Hindu right away.'

If Adam and Eve were Baptist.

'The three wise men guest star on Miami Vice'

Cross photo.

'There was a feeling among the other disciples that Judas was not to be wholly trusted.'

'It's on the Religion Channel.'

Religion is primarily about wearing silly hats.

'How about bearing false witness for you neighbor?'

'I don't want to leave the priesthood to get married -- I just want to fool around a little.'

Devil in heaven, 'I snuck in through the fire escape..'

'I hope it's the start of a new papal era, it would be nice to cover something different up...'

"I'm not sure I liked your tone when you addressed me as 'Mr. Know-It-All'."

"I'll have the spare rib."

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"My cat is like your god. Except people don't kill in her name. You don't need to wait until you die to meet her. And she's real."

"He may well be the new Pope, but I wish he'd just return my lawnmower. . ."

What? No brief customer satisfaction survey at the end?

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"Jesus can walk on water. Well, I can walk on melons. And melons are 97% water. So I am 97% Jesus."

"Would you care to indulge in the holy sacraments?"

"Your husband would've been here to greet you – but he says you poisoned him."

Toilet stop

"What did you expect. . . I made you in my image!"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"You're lucky that your parents donated a building to Heaven."

"Come on- the last four digits of your social security number."

A shirtless old man with a crucifix necklace