Religion-based Satirist Gifts

The room for adults who like to complain about children making noise at church

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Pope tarts.

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Bishops Snooker

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

Sermon Applause.