Scriptural Satirist Gifts

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

''Lilith'? - I don't remember authorizing any LILITH!'

God's Proofreader

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Even More Disciples'

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."