Scripture Satirists Gifts

'They're not supposed to have any love interest!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Cheap Labour Countries.

'Verily, Noah, the flood I am about to unleash is retribution for Tory defections to UKIP!'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

Alexander Pope

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Eucharist

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

The Do's and Don'ts of Sin.

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

Goliath's Widow.

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'