Scripture Satirists Pillows

'They're not supposed to have any love interest!'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

Cheap Labour Countries.

'Verily, Noah, the flood I am about to unleash is retribution for Tory defections to UKIP!'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

"And on the seventh day, God 'choked,' and all hell broke loose."

Eucharist

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

Alexander Pope

"Maybe you're right. Maybe the multiple exclamation points come across as over excited and insincere."

"Oooh! What's he gonna do now?!"

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Goliath's Widow.

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."

The Do's and Don'ts of Sin.

'When will they come out in papyrus-back?'

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only