Sacramental Satirist Gifts

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Christian and Born again Christian...

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'Even More Disciples'

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

Bishops Snooker

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."