Celestial Satire Seeker Gifts

"If you laugh at all of God's jokes, he's never going to learn what's funny."

10 Commandments Bar.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'That's what I'm talkin' about!'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Scandalous! The Germans are occupying the best places on the beach!

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

Aliens leaving spacecraft.

Vampire Weekday

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

"I'm not sure if this proves there was intelligent life on this planet or not."

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

Dead & Breakfast.

"That's the first time I've heard 'My Way' played on a harp."

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

Reasons to be glad you're not a werewolf.

Halo Theft

"Do you have anything with a view of God?"

Michael Moore.

Church urges rethink on air traffic control