Celestial Satire Seeker Gifts

"If you laugh at all of God's jokes, he's never going to learn what's funny."

10 Commandments Bar.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Scandalous! The Germans are occupying the best places on the beach!

'From creating stuff like this you make a LIVING?'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

Aliens leaving spacecraft.

Vampire Weekday

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

'We haven't had a client in weeks - maybe we should make a promotional video.'

'Don't sweat it pal - you can always appeal. I'm a lawyer. I'd be happy to take on your case- pro bono, of course.'

Dead & Breakfast.

"I'm not sure if this proves there was intelligent life on this planet or not."

"That's the first time I've heard 'My Way' played on a harp."

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

'You can't take it with you means your cellphones too.'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"Do you have anything with a view of God?"

'I'll keep your application on file in case something else comes up.'

Halo Theft

Church urges rethink on air traffic control

Reasons to be glad you're not a werewolf.