Sacred Satire Seeker Gifts

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Scandalous! The Germans are occupying the best places on the beach!

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

Angel learning to fly...

"Is there anybody there?"

'Not now, Lord!'

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

And on the seventh day He rested

Some other sins you may enjoy.

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"