Sacred Satire Lover Gifts

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

'Don't you dare.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"That's our new church mascot."

Christian and Born again Christian...

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Gates of heaven

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'All the tellers are nuns.'

Does this mean we lose our security deposit?

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

Holy Relics.

About to take a triumphant departure from Ireland, Saint Patrick set his sights on world domination. That is, before his focus was diverted by a small harmless looking beverage.

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

"Well, well, well! Your parents certainly messed up when they named you, didn't they, Angelo?"

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'