Spiritual Satire Lover Gifts

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'We're in a same non-sex relationship.'

And on the seventh day He rested

'I'm not really a guru. I'm just here due to a tax loophole my accountant cooked up.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"You must have me confused with someone else. The only thing I'm searching for is the darned fuse panel!"

24/7 th Heaven

The confessional

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Heaven Mk. II.

"I'll take these and get back to you for the rest tomorrow"

"Two bars—how about you?"

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

- Perhaps you haven't noticed, but I follow you on Twitter.

"Are you shaved?!"

Some other sins you may enjoy.

"I hate when they start 'speaking in tongues' around here."

Up on High.

"Also tell him I said thanks for Fridays."

A damned man begs for change at the gates of heaven.

"Let go and let Gary."

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Priest's 'To do' list.

Ghostwriting the Bible

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Yes, all at once!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'