Spiritual Satire Lover Pillows

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'We're in a same non-sex relationship.'

'I'm not really a guru. I'm just here due to a tax loophole my accountant cooked up.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"You must have me confused with someone else. The only thing I'm searching for is the darned fuse panel!"

24/7 th Heaven

The confessional

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'

'And on June 30th of that same year, you used The Bible as a coaster?'

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Heaven Mk. II.

"I'll take these and get back to you for the rest tomorrow"

"Two bars—how about you?"

"I hate when they start 'speaking in tongues' around here."

Up on High.

"Also tell him I said thanks for Fridays."

A damned man begs for change at the gates of heaven.

"Let go and let Gary."

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

Priest's 'To do' list.

Ghostwriting the Bible

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'Yes, all at once!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'