Spiritual Satire Lovers Pillows

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"You have been found guilty of smug self-righteous pseudo-spirituality. I sentenced you to a period of six months with your wind chimes strapped to your head."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Gates of heaven

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

'All the tellers are nuns.'

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

Does this mean we lose our security deposit?

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"Oooh! What's he gonna do now?!"

Holy Relics.

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

About to take a triumphant departure from Ireland, Saint Patrick set his sights on world domination. That is, before his focus was diverted by a small harmless looking beverage.

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

Self raising Lazarus.

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."