Spiritual Satire Fan Gifts

Jesus' Childhood

De Niro As Christ.

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

'Because He owns controlling interest. That's why God's omnipotent.'

"I swear, '€#$%&' is a real quote from the Dalai Lama! To be fair though, I had just stepped on his toe..."

". . . and now, the weather."

"I just need to run a background check."

"First on earth huh, well back of the line you go..."

"I can see that in your past life you were also a gullible schmo easily taken in by charlatans."

"Do we get free refills on the manna?"

'It was a split decision.'

God and Other Odd Jobs

'I've been assigned as your Guardian Angel. Is your insurance paid up?'

"As long as you're getting all religious you can start worshipping me."

'How the devil got all the best tunes.'

A monk finds a little demon in the spine of his holy bible.

Discount Church Mart

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

Basic Theology

'I miss the evildoers.'

'Because you know too much!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"My name's God, and I approve this message."