Spiritual Satire Fan Gifts

Jesus' Childhood

De Niro As Christ.

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

'Because He owns controlling interest. That's why God's omnipotent.'

"I swear, '€#$%&' is a real quote from the Dalai Lama! To be fair though, I had just stepped on his toe..."

"I just need to run a background check."

"First on earth huh, well back of the line you go..."

"I can see that in your past life you were also a gullible schmo easily taken in by charlatans."

"Do we get free refills on the manna?"

'It was a split decision.'

God and Other Odd Jobs

'I've been assigned as your Guardian Angel. Is your insurance paid up?'

"As long as you're getting all religious you can start worshipping me."

'How the devil got all the best tunes.'

A monk finds a little demon in the spine of his holy bible.

Discount Church Mart

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

Basic Theology

'I miss the evildoers.'

'Because you know too much!'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

A surprise in heaven

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

Gates of heaven

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."