Religious Satire Fan Gifts

A surprise in heaven

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Or,if you prefer, I also have lox and bagels."

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Noah's Ark 2

'Let me get this straight... God wants me to let him save me from what he will do to me if I don't let him save me?'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

Serving Ribs.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Shopping vouchers? Is that all you got him?"

'The diagnostic computer thinks it's a punishment from God.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Moral Outrage.

'Them things with wings...witches,obvious witches...'

'We're giving you one big present for your birthday and Christmas.'

'Ok, just look natural if you want this to work.'

Hell: Been there, done that, got the sweatshirt.

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

Jesus Suddenly Realizes It's Almost Father's Day

"What a great job! Where else can you work 6 days, rest on the 7th and sit back to watch the whole thing go to hell?"

"Kinky."

"Where are the green cones? We're not all Protestants, you know."

"Sir, booing the Pastor is not allowed."

"Eve had a good sense of humor. She took a lot of ribbing on the job."

"What do you mean you can't take him?"

"... So now Noah's running around grabbing two of each animal in sight! What a nut!"

"Once a sinner, always a sinner!"

'A plastic Jesus in here has cut pilfering by 90%!'

"Oh my God, we forgot to bring the animals."

"Dude....I just came back from the dead! I need a coffee, not a bloody chocolate egg!"

'Whose idea was it to add the brimstone?'

'No - he doesn't do p*nis enlargements!'

'Meh...'

Pope Benedict - Big Changes.