Spiritual Satire Admirer Gifts

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'We can prove there is an indiscriminate use of your image and that you are entitled to proper compensation.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Even More Disciples'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

Church restrooms

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Gates of heaven

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'