Spiritual Satire Seeker Gifts

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

"Roof, please."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'Even More Disciples'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Lesbians for Christ

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Out for lunch... GOD

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'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'