Spiritual Satire Seeker Pillows

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

"Roof, please."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Yes, all at once!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

Lesbians for Christ

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

Out for lunch... GOD

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'