Religious Satire Seeker Gifts

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Gates of heaven

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

Church restrooms

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'All the tellers are nuns.'