Celestial Humorists Gifts

"And of course it comes with an after lifetime guarantee."

Do it right the first time.

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"I'm trying to call my boss to tell him I have to miss the meeting but I can't get any service."

'You have an honest face, would you mind watching the gate while I go for a six-pack?'

"I couldn't believe it either, but Heaven really is a dumbed-down book fair."

"Have you had a cough in the last 14 days?"

"It's a belated, get well soon card."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Clown God

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

Water is discovered on the moon....

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

'It's all done with computer animation now.'

Halo Frisbee.

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"