Celestial Humorist Gifts

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

Life on cloud 8

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'If you look carefully you'll see that all the claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June when Venus is in alignment with Mars.'

'It's a nice place most ways, but it takes forever to accumulate seniority!'

"Damnedest eclipse I'VE ever seen."

Angels waiting at baggage reclaim for their harps.

'I'm afraid this is all we have for the time being. We've run out of Haloes.'

"You're probably wondering. 'why do I need life insurance' - right?"

'Put these on. We're on an acid rain cloud.'

"I told them I couldn't survive on what they were paying me."

'I've never sighted a flying saucer, but I've seen a satellite dish.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

God's Message Pad

"I get great reception this way."

'It's true! He does move in mysterious ways.'

Phases of the moon.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Somehow I thought it would be different up here...

'The good news is, Mr Filmore, this is heaven. The bad news is, this is posted property.'

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

"There's no point in trying to butter me up, sir. It's all done by computer."

'We just received an obscene radio message from planet Sigma Epsilon Khi.'

Heaven II

'They just want to make sure no one takes anything with them.'

'And the heavenly thing about this place is you don't have to think about health insurance,'

Water is discovered on the moon....

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

'I'll make some walking-around money repairing satellites.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'I realize that this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

Heaven

The Dark Side of the Moon.

"It's about all the treasure laid up here."