Celestial Humorist Gifts

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

Life on cloud 8

'If you look carefully you'll see that all the claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June when Venus is in alignment with Mars.'

'It's a nice place most ways, but it takes forever to accumulate seniority!'

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

Angels waiting at baggage reclaim for their harps.

'When is break time around here?'

'I'm afraid this is all we have for the time being. We've run out of Haloes.'

"You're probably wondering. 'why do I need life insurance' - right?"

"Damnedest eclipse I'VE ever seen."

Phases of the moon.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

'It's true! He does move in mysterious ways.'

'Seriously, what if I don't have my death certificate or a photo I.D.?'

'Put these on. We're on an acid rain cloud.'

"I told them I couldn't survive on what they were paying me."

Somehow I thought it would be different up here...

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'I've never sighted a flying saucer, but I've seen a satellite dish.'

"I get great reception this way."

God's Message Pad

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"Be honest. Do these rings make me look fat?"

Fixer-Uper: Make an Offer

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

"Oh him - he just faked his death. He's hanging around here until the life insurance pays out."

"Look - the FIRST EVER picture of a black hole!! What do you think?"

'The good news is, Mr Filmore, this is heaven. The bad news is, this is posted property.'

'We just received an obscene radio message from planet Sigma Epsilon Khi.'

Heaven II

'They just want to make sure no one takes anything with them.'

'And the heavenly thing about this place is you don't have to think about health insurance,'

Water is discovered on the moon....

"There's no point in trying to butter me up, sir. It's all done by computer."