Cosmic Humorist Gifts

"Hold that thought. I have to go take a number five."

'Are you trying to give me a heart attack??!!'

'Did you hear about Pluto? - He got demoted to 'dwarf planet' for noncompliance.'

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'

'Dear Lord, for what we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful...'

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

"The Center of the Universe? ....Speaking!"

'You've got a pretty nasty case of humans. Take two asteroids and call me in the morning. The side effects are rather unpleasant, but they only last few million years, then you'll be as good as new!'

"I think my 5 years of astronaut training might have been a bit of a waste."

"Sorry to bother you again but I forgot to ask you to fill out our service evaluation questionnaire."

'Will you stop sulking? -- I didn't eclipse you on purpose!'

'And the actual value of the Hubble Constant is critical to the question or whether our Universe will continue to expand forever, or...POP.'

Black Hole Research Institute - Office only has IN tray - no OUT tray.

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Y'all look like dog people to me."

Happy Earthday

Seances of the future

'Never mind that world peace stuff -- have you seen our LUGGAGE anywhere?'

"Shall we put it in play?"

Cosmic Weekly - New Galaxy Discovered! Alf Centauri.

Voyeurs guide to the Cosmos (stars in the shape of a sexy woman).

"Whatever you do, don't let them know our planet has oil."

"I don't believe in these idiots any longer. You now can call me an atheist."

'Better keep away from Earth. Remember what we were told about those speed cameras?'

Two astronauts on the moon look up to see a cow jumping over them.

Watch for falling meteors.

'A globe warming party?...Guys, you shouldn't have!'

'Could I switch to bacteriology for awhile? - The stars are REALLY making me feel insignificant.'

'Another one uninhabited. That's three down and several hundred billion to go.'

"Ground control? It seems we have found the origin of the universe."

'I'd steer clear of them on the forth of July!'

He says he needs space.

"...and almost all of it is dark matter."

"Hey! - What's this I hear about you ECLIPSING me?"