Celestial Comedians Gifts

An angel looks at a news box containing the "International Herald Tribune".

"It started as an out-of body experience but I forgot the password to get back in."

'I Hate summer.'

"So you can take it with you!"

'I've notices something very disturbing about asteroids...they look just like turds...very large turds...'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

Angel Golf.

'How about hitting my wife's new boyfriend?'

God has an attack of vertigo

"He's a real cloud potato."

"Wow, I wish I'd thought of that! My last words were pretty naf."

"That's a nice touch!"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Houston, we have a problem."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."