Celestial Comedy Fans Gifts

"Son, why don't you switch to my shampoo and conditioner?"

A blue-haired Bernie from Butte? Are you sure? Angle watching guide.

'I've been tagged for study of my migratory habits.'

'I didn't expect Paradise to be so literal...'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Halo Frisbee.

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'That's what I'm talkin' about!'

Shoe repair

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

'Anything good on tonight?'

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'

'Thirty-two feet per second squared, eh? -- that should hold them for awhile!:

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'