Celestial Comedy Fan Gifts

"I have to twinkle"

'They come down here to smoke.'

"Astronomers say I don't have a 'dark' side. Tell that to my therapist."

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

Holy S**t

"If that's humankind, I'm not here!"

Heavenly Ironing

"Would you please knock off the boooring chant?!!"

"Okay, so you're an angel. Now what?"

"Harry got a recall notice!"

"Flip you for the top bunk."

"You're home early, dear! Have you had a nice day?"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"Separate clouds, please."

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

'Whoops! I forgot to warn you about the soft spots up here.'

". . . No, you're not in the bank anymore; don't you remember. . . ? The security guard shot you."

'Dang. Nothing but decaf.'

Hand me the remote...

'It's a conversation piece.'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Lawn darts never took off in Heaven

"What a beautiful day!....Oh god no!....They got moonie!"

'I'm gonna squeeze in a quick nine black holes before the next epoch starts.'

"Sorry. I'm molting."

Angels fighting after car accident

Bend it until the inside tube breaks. Then they'll glow.

Well, that routine physical didn

"Weird. We have no record of having made you."

"Two bars—how about you?"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."