Heavenly Satirists Gifts

Do it right the first time.

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

The Adventures of God

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Divine Desk Bins

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'