Canine Critiquer Gifts

"'Pee on the carpet!' That's your solution to everything."

"You know, there are other emojis."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

"Oh shut up."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

Sick Exhibitionist

Silicon Valley Bank fails, who else?

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

Grade 'A' Grass.

'Thanks to me, you can save the money for the cat food from now on and put it into more reasonable investments!'

"A cat wouldn't answer."

'I like it.'

The Thinker and The Stinker

Bird in Flight.

Teleshopping

"That was a silly way to split the dung Fred! How are we supposed to roll our share home now?"

All my owner says is "Heel, heel, heel" --- And then he wonders why I keep chewing on his shoe!

Dog Food Testing Lab.

Honk If You Hate Cats

"I like the part where she says, 'woof'."

"Ooh - that one was a bit gamey."

"I do enjoy group activities."

It is not enough that I receive a treat. The dog must also be deprived of one.

"Seriously? You do not look like a William Arthur Huffington the Third to me! Methink this is a fake pedigree..."

'Great car-chasing scenes!'

'I can't eat somewhere that deals with their taxes so reprehensibly.'

'When I decide you need my opinion I'll charge you $450 per hour for it.'

Great movie. I wagged, I whined.

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"I love it when dogs work on their stupid."

"This isn't tap water, is it?"