Dog Critic Gifts

"I love it when dogs work on their stupid."

It is not enough that I receive a treat. The dog must also be deprived of one.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

Stu just wanted to participate in the outdoor art class. . . alone. . . but Bob went ahead and invited himself anyway. . .

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

Four Star Meal

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

Dog's Loo

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

'Yeah, their website is called www.dazoosux.com.'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

Dogs at Dog Show Judging the Judges.

Sick Exhibitionist

"It's an exact replica of the kind of zoo they would usually live in."

'I like it.'

"A cat wouldn't answer."

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

'Thanks to me, you can save the money for the cat food from now on and put it into more reasonable investments!'

''Woof, Woof, Woof.' You call that a blog entry?'

The Thinker and The Stinker

'Don't tell me you want universal health care!'

All my owner says is "Heel, heel, heel" --- And then he wonders why I keep chewing on his shoe!

The message was clear: Pay up or die. Or maybe it was: Change the water.

"That was a silly way to split the dung Fred! How are we supposed to roll our share home now?"

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

'You mean to tell me neither candidate supports a ban on doggy sweaters?!'

'What about the arts? I need to learn MORE than just obedience!'

Dog Food Testing Lab.