Dog Food Critic Gifts

Four Star Meal

"How about an upgrade?"

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

Ab Fab

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

'He didn't even remember signing up for the taste test.'

"It's her choice to become a vegetarian, but it's unfair that we're being fed tofu now!"

"I know it's pricey, but I think going back to the old food is probably a good

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"They can put dogs in space, but they can't make decent tasting dog food."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Sawdust.

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

Fresh Fish

"He won't wait for me to open the can."