Canine Culinary Critic Gifts

'It contains the great taste of trash and dead birds that dogs love!'

"I think I'll go for the Barf Bits du Jour."

"Oh, come on, Honey, he's a dog...he's not gonna notice that we gave him cheaper dog food!"

"I've got a complaint about the table scraps you are feeding me...cut down on the fatty tissues...I'm gaining weight!"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

"Is that all they taught him at obedience school? How to use a can opener?"

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Pretty good dog, huh, Larry?"

"We need to put in more bones."

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Dog Chow Mein

"You're spoiling that dog again!"

Four Star Meal

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

Dog Food Pyramid. Meat. Scraps.

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

'You're lucky you can't read.'

"Let's see . . . I detect beef . . . peas . . . and a subtle hint of sweet potato!"

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

'I'm taking the leftovers home, so suggest something my dog will enjoy.'

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

John envied his friends who worked at the local chocolate company