Canine Culinary Enthusiast Gifts

Dog Food: Lick & Collect

"It's a new cereal for dogs."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'I'll have toast and he'll have a complete dog's breakfast.'

Dog Chow Mein

"For what he is about to receive may the dog be truly thankful."

Homemade dog biscuits.

'Rover is sulking because he helped bag the goose and all he gets for dinner is dog food.'

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Kibbled, canned and frozen were non-starters. But he'll often accept a ice ribeye as long as it's been properly dry aged."

Posh dog views expensive food and wine.

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'Sure, it's a nice buffet, but I can't help thinking it's a bit morbid...'

'That's not exactly what I had in mind.'

"He won't wait for me to open the can."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

'I pity the poor schlub whose job it is to make that call.'

"Look, I’m sorry - it’s not Asian fusion night!"

"Some dehydrated corn and bone meal for the gentleman, perhaps?"

'Dang! Oh well, I won't have to feed him for a year now.'

'So you want two opposable thumbs so you can open your own dogfood?'

Cooking shows for dogs

"We'll have the people food."

"Not only do these new treats taste like table scraps, they're also good for you."

'Believe me, I've checked. There are no shows on the Food Channel devoted to cooking kibble.'

Limits of Canine Philosophical Inquiry.

"Have you got a book about the proper way of feeding a dog?"

'I can understand my mother and my first-grade teacher being there, but there's also a TV announcer who does dog commercials and a second-string catcher for the Detroit Tigers.'

Sure, it's nice when Master gives us a bone, but frankly, I would prefer a juicy steak...

'I'm thinking celebrity pet's cookery nightmare make-over...'

'I'll take your word for it that dog food tastes good on crackers.'

"Well-done coming right up."