Culinary Critic For Pets Gifts

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"Is the MSG local?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Too much cilantro

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Countervailing Clichés.

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Happy hour.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"