Pet Food Critics Gifts

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Is this any way to treat 'Man's best friend'?"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'Who had the ocean whitefish and tua paté?'

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"They can put dogs in space, but they can't make decent tasting dog food."

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Fido and Fifi

"They're doing wonderful things with food I hate."

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

Four Star Meal

'There's nothing good to eat!'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

'You're lucky you can't read.'

'When I said you should complain about your steak I didn't mean whining about it on twitter.'