Pet Care Critic Gifts

The message was clear: Pay up or die. Or maybe it was: Change the water.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

'Try the steak tartare...it's okay.'

"They can put dogs in space, but they can't make decent tasting dog food."

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

'Rasputin has been declawed: Pass it on...'

Four Star Meal

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

-'God that looks disgusting.' -'You're telling me.'

"So, what's it to be, chicken unfit for human consumption, or beef unfit for human consumption?"

"I don't know how to tell you this, Honey, so I'm going to come right out and say it. ... Your goldfish ran away."

After Hours in the Pet Shop.

"Serves you right for licking it!"

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

"For crying out loud! It’s empty!!"

'Play dead.'

'Now you do know she needs a bath every week and an oil change every 3000 miles?'

Oh wow. Love your work.

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

'I like it.'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

A dog locks a man out and sleeps in his bed.

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

The Thinker and The Stinker

"If you're really man's best friend, how come your food never comes with cutlery?"

'A dog learns about the flyer that was used to find him.'

"Here's one I spayed earlier"

'You mean to tell me neither candidate supports a ban on doggy sweaters?!'

Dog Food Testing Lab.

It is not enough that I receive a treat. The dog must also be deprived of one.

"I know it's pricey, but I think going back to the old food is probably a good

'Great car-chasing scenes!'