Pet Food Philosopher Gifts

"Did you hear that?! That reporter just said the same ingredients in artificial meat is is found in pet foods!"

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

Cat Reunion

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Dogs are men."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"