Food Philosopher Gifts

"I do feel a lot better since we switched to the trans-fat free oil."

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"We aren't so different, you and I. But, for whatever reason, you're a common breakfast snack, and I'm a delectable treat, revered the world over and reserved for special occasions. Helluva world, brother! Just glad I'm not in your paper sleeve."

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

'I'm sorry, but you can't take the leftovers home. They're all newly-patented items, and cannot leave the premises.'

"If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

'I am not overweight. I'm gravity enhanced.'

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

"I'm one of those vegetarians who eat meat."

"I love cheeseburgers more than I hate being fat."

"I can't have anything that's a food."

Regular ground beef, irregular ground beef.

'Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, and so between the two of them they presented quite an array of nutritional deficiencies.'

"More protein? How about some veggies once in a while?"

"Soup du jour..." - "Soup du Siecle"

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

"Do we HAVE to be omnivores?"

A boy and a girl having a meal with their nurse

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

'It's radical but it just might work!'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"I feel I've made some bad food choices."

'Give me some meat-like substance on some wheat-like substance with a side of deep-fried starch sticks and a small carbonated, flavoured liquid sugar!'

I went out into the world alone to see what I was made of, and now I wish I didn't know.

"You do have health insurance....right?"

"No wonder they didn't like it. I forgot to sprinkle the antidepressant on it."

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

Artichoke Activist

Everything and nothing bagel.

"I'm an 'ethical' carnivore'. Were any of those cows assholes?"