Dog Food Philosopher Gifts

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Carpe pizza"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"