Pet Philosopher Gifts

'What about the arts? I need to learn MORE than just obedience!'

Hemingway's dog meets Faulkner's Dog.

"Canis familiaris."

"Do you ever wonder who feeds them?"

The Inner Dog.

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"You see, your brain is small and mine is bigger, but it can't be much bigger or I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

'There's probably no dog.'

I wonder if they can think...

'Like the proverb says, the weak enemy of my strong enemy I will pretend to befriend.'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

A cat hearing a man say, 'It's a dog eat dog world out there,' thinks, 'Cats are SO much more civilized.'

'Don't you realise those collars are symbols of subservience and repression?'

'Does 'Meow' really stand for the 'Moral Equivalent Of War?''

'Sure, I can talk, but I still feel culturally illiterate.'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"For immediate release: no more thinking outside the bowl."

"You know you're getting old when you start getting nose whiskers."

Why the "Man's Best Friend" thing is a total fraud.

"Of course there's a god... who do you think feeds us every day?"

"When Mogs died we had him cloned, there were a few teething problems!"

"Why can't you just fetch and beg like a normal dog?"

"What happened to us? Things got weird during COVID is what happened to us."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"If you could spend an hour with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

"Dogs are men."

"You need a hobby."

"It's so profound, and at the same time, so everyday."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"So what if they laugh? The world needs a little more laughter."

"They're in charge because God gave them the can openers."

"I contain multitudes."

The Free Range Finch

"I just don't get it. According to my calculations, they spend on average five days out of seven away from home: Where do they go and what do they do?"