Doggy Philosopher Gifts

Nicole's liberal dog college: 'We believe there is a gray area between good dog and bad dog.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Cat Reunion

"Yes, one is a dog."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

PET THEORIES

'Hard to follow...'

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Dogs are men."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

'You should try giving yourself a bath.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"How do I get down?"

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'All cats have 4 legs and fur. I have 4 legs and fur...It's too hard to think anymore.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"