Dog-walking Philosopher Gifts

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes, one is a dog."

Cat Reunion

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Dogs are men."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

The Inner Dog.

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."