Philosopher Of Pooches Gifts

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

"Yes, one is a dog."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Cat Reunion

"The library rejected your request to ban all books on cats and squirrels. But, to be fair, it was no dumber than all the other book ban requests we get."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Dogs are men."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

Flea Philosophy.

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'Instead of throwing sticks, why don't we sit down and tackle some sudoku?'

The Inner Dog.

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"With me everything is 'scratch and sniff'."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

The question is, where does want to go for a walk end and need to go for a walk begin? Existentialist dogs.

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"You need a hobby."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"These dizzy spells, I have a theory."